It’s possible to overcome self doubt. It might not seem like it right now. Your inner dialogue is vicious and defeating. Doubting yourself feels like a security blanket that protects you against disappointment and defeat. You don’t have to keep living that way.
There is a life full of confidence and security awaiting you. Overcome self doubt with the right support, weekly reflection, and a plan to cut out comparison.
Support
The first thing you will need to overcome self doubt is support. Lots and lots of support. Self-doubt can consume us when we don’t have the right people in our corner. We need the right coaches, mentors, and community of peers in our lives to keep self doubt dormant.
Mentors & Coaches
The first kind of support you’ll need to overcome self doubt is support from a mentor or coach. They have tools and techniques from their training and years of experience that they can pour into you. In addition to providing you with tools and techniques to overcome your particular point of struggle, Mentors and coaches are typically experts in the area of your struggle.
For example, if you’re doubting your ability to start a business, hire a business coach. Maybe you doubt your mothering skills, reach out to a mother who is farther along in her journey and ask her to pour into you.
Pro tip: Coaches are usually a hired professional who has been trained or certified in a particular niche. Your coach can help you identify and achieve specific goals. A mentor on the other hand is usually an older, wiser person in your life that will offer you advice and insight based on their past experiences.
Read more about working with a coach
Community of Peers
In addition to support from mentors and coaches, you’ll need support from your peers.
This source of support is often downplayed. It’s tempting to believe that she can overcome feelings of doubt without leaning on other people in similar ages and stages. The truth is, support from our peers is vital.
Support from this source can give you honest feedback, build you up, and relate to you in a way that others can’t. Let’s explore the importance of the this source of support in more detail:
#1: Feedback – One of the biggest reasons you need support from your peers is feedback. Feedback from a group of people who know you, have your best interest at heart, and want to see you succeed can be a total game changer. Get out of your own head and self-inflicted harsh critiques. Get real time feedback from supportive peers who have a diversity of perspective.
#2: Encouragement – Encouragement is another essential element of overcoming self doubt that your peers can help you with. Your peers can call out the gold in your life and build you back up when you feel beaten down. There is something so sweet about encouragement from a group of people that get you because they share some of your lived experiences.
#3: Identification – On that note, your peers can identify you in a way that others can’t. Identification from peers can be really powerful. Sometimes a simple “me too” can quiet the doubts that have been raging in your mind and remind you that you’re not alone.
Start small when it comes to building your network of support. Identify potential coaches or mentors in your life. Explore the possibility of forging a formal relationship with coaches or mentors that you have good synergy with.
Next, brainstorm at least one peer in your life that you can lean on for support. Start getting in the habit of reaching out to this person when self doubt rears its ugly head. Ask for feedback, encouragement, and identification.
Reflect
Now that you have some external support in place it’s time to turn your focus inward. Reflection is a non-negotiable when it comes to overcoming self doubt. It’s imperative that you take the time to examine your self talk and get honest with yourself.
Ask yourself: How am I really doing?
We are our harshest critics. It’s important to take a step back from the harsh words we speak over ourselves. You can start the process of examining your self talk by asking yourself this simple question: How am I really doing?
Take a moment to silently reflect on this question or journal through it. Be sure to note your wins, points of growth, and the positive changes you’ve experienced over the last 90 days or so.
You’ll likely find that you’re doing a lot better than your harsh inner critic has led you to believe. Build a reflective practice like this into your calendar. Sit down once a week for at least 5 minutes and reflect on how things are really going.
Affirmation
Through your reflective practice you’ll likely identify some thought patterns that routinely pop up. These thought patterns might be insecurities that you dwell on, insults that you speak over yourself after committing a mistake, or limiting beliefs that prevent you from moving forward.
Affirmations are the antidote to thought patterns that sustain your self doubt. Monitor your negative thought patterns and start the practice of replacing them with positive affirmations.
For example, if you’re recurring self inflicted insult it “I can’t do anything right!” Replace that thought with some self compassion. Instead of “I can’t do anything right!” speak this over yourself “I’m learning. That was disappointing but it’s a setback/mistake I am fully capable of moving past”.
Consider creating a list of negative thought patterns that you begin to notice in or outside of your reflective time. Take some time to replace the negative thought patterns on your list with positive affirmations.
Review feedback from your peers.
After examining our own words it’s a good idea to review feedback we’ve received from others. You can either go back to things your peers have spoken over you in the past or call them up and ask for a fresh take.
Self doubt can be triggered by our own warped perspective. It’s important to have your peers reflect back to you how they see your situation and how they really think you’re doing.
Quick note: Be discerning in who you ask for feedback. You don’t want to call up the friend that always gives you a rosy perspective or the friend that constantly projects doom and gloom. You need a friend that can graciously give you their honest take.
Comparison
Feedback from your peers is a gift. Comparing yourself to your peers is a poison. It’s essential to wrap this blog post up with a note on the dangers of comparison.
You can likely recall a time in your life where you felt great about something, your outfit, latest creative idea, the meal you just cooked until…comparison set in. In a digital age of constant connectedness it’s more difficult than ever to avoid comparison. You’re constantly being bombarded with photos from your friends latest vacation, their beautiful family, and the exciting new business their starting. Not to mention the legions on influencers parading unrealistic beauty and lifestyle standards.
You get the point. Self doubt is incredibly inflamed by comparison. In an era where outlets for comparison are never in short supply it’s up to you to put as many boundaries as you can around comparison. This might look like setting boundaries on social media. Unfollow account that make you doubt yourself or limit the time you spend on any given social platform.
Pay attention to the people and places that cause you to compare. Carefully consider how you will implement boundaries that prevent you from scaling the slippery slope of self doubt.
Seek Healing
Your battle with self doubt might go beyond a struggle with comparison. In order to overcome your self doubt it might be necessary to seek healing.
Confidence can be shattered by painful childhood experiences, a toxic relationship, or traumatic event. Unfortunate incidences like this can trigger self doubt that isn’t easily overcome by support, reflection and boundaries alone.
If you’re contending with self doubt that stems from past wounds or trauma consider hiring a licensed mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can help you unpack the incidences in your past that have damaged your confidence and left you with debilitating self doubt.
Say Goodbye to Self Doubt
Self doubt isn’t something you have to live with. You have what it takes to overcome self doubt.
You have a few solid steps to take. First you need to build your network of support with coaches, mentors, and peers. After that’s squared away you need to take some time to reflect. Once a week you’ll reflect on your own inner dialogue and get some feedback from your peers.
Cutting our comparison is another key step. Pay attention to people and places that cause you to compare. Put up healthy boundaries that curb the effect that those people and places have on your self doubt. Finally, seek healing for past wounds or trauma that have made it seemingly impossible to overcome self doubt.
What next step are you going to take?
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